Deployment sucks. Have I mentioned this before?
Well, it does. When Josh is gone I miss him at the strangest moments … whenever someone sends me a Farmville request … when the Yankees make headlines … every single time I have to take the garbage out (lol … I hate that job).
Sometimes I forget that it’s tough for the kids, too, and sometimes they remind me in the most heartbreaking ways.
One morning Alli wanted to watch her shows. Everything in Alli-TV-land has been divided lately into “her shows” (Disney Jr. and Nick Jr.), “Sydney’s shows” (iCarly, Big Time Rush-type stuff), and “my shows” (it’s mostly reality TV at this point …lol). She asked several times for her shows, but I was on the phone giving her the “hold on a second” gesture. Apparently I wasn’t working fast enough for her, and she tried to change the channel herself. Suddenly a basketball game popped up on the screen, and Alli began screaming,
“That’s my dad’s show! Not my show! My dad’s not here! He’s on the boat! At work! That’s my dad’s show!”
And then she began to cry. (I may have cried a little, too.)
We hugged it out and talked about missing daddy for a few minutes. Luckily her three-year-old attention span kicked in after a bit, and she got interested in a piece of fuzz on the carpet. Just that quickly she was fine.
But I wasn’t.
I know that the kids miss Daddy, but it hurts my heart to see it played out in front of me. I sometimes actually forget that she might miss him, too, because she’s so little and because she can’t really express herself yet. Well, she expressed herself that day.
In a big way.
And it broke my heart.
I don’t have any answers for this, and I don’t have any wrap-up comments to make it all better. I can’t keep her from missing him, and I can’t make the time go faster. So when Josh is deployed, all I can do is keep doling out the hugs and kisses and sharing pictures and videos and then give a few more hugs and kisses.
And possibly in the future block all sports networks as soon as he leaves…