Back on Land

He deploys, and I make a life back on land.

Down …

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Wow.

Who would have thought a bum knee and a pair of crutches could change pretty much everything? Not me, but they have.

Everything I can still do requires twice as much time and three times the energy, and the list of things I can’t do just continues to grow. And I am tired. And sore. And my knee hurts.

The last few weeks I have done everything possible to prove that I CAN do it all, that I am Super Woman. I hosted a birthday pool party from the sidelines yesterday. I taught COMPASS from a rolling chair on Thursday. I followed through with a breakfast and lunch donation on Tuesday that left me in pain for hours and was the first time since I hurt myself that I needed pain medication beyond Ibuprofen.

But I kept going, and I kept planning on doing everything.

But this weekend I hit a wall. I crying, feeling-sorry-for-myself, not-sure-if-I-can-do-this wall.

My kids have missed activities. My youngest missed almost two weeks of school (which is only 3 days but still). I haven’t cooked a real healthy meal in weeks, and my house is beyond a wreck.

Me->wall.

So I’m down. Down as in sad, and down as in knocked down.

So today I am scaling back. I am cancelling, re-scheduling, and un-volunteering anything that isn’t completely necessary for me and my family. I am choosing to “re-set.” I need to get my house and my family back in order (and get this knee fixed) before I can do anything for anyone else again. I am following my old motto “Take care of yourself, then your family, and everything else will fall into place.”

Down.

But I think this is the best thing for me and my family, and I think that getting us back on track will be the first in (possibly many) steps to everything else back. Letting go has lifted a great weight of my shoulders, and losing that great weight has made the important things seem just a bit more “doable.” I am hopeful this morning for the first time in a while.

So I am down, as in sad and knocked down, but I am not out.

Down, but NEVER out.

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